How to Do It is Slate’s sex advice column. Have a question? Send it to Stoya and Rich here. It’s anonymous!

Dear How to Do It,

My boyfriend and I (both men) work crazy hours.

The problem is that he will frequently jerk off while I’m gone, and by the time I get back, he’s out of ammunition. I’ve asked him to hold off, but he says he has to take care of it when the urge strikes him. I think he’s being very selfish. The world would not end if he had to wait six hours for me! I feel like if I went on a sex strike, he wouldn’t even notice. What can I do to get him to show me some consideration?

—Never the Right Time

Dear Never the Right Time,

All you can do is ask and keep asking. Ultimately, your boyfriend gets to decide what he does with his body, but I agree that holding off, at least sometimes, for the sake of your shared sex life would be ideal. More than that, his wanting to hold off for the sake of your shared sex life would signal he’s willing to compromise to make your relationship work. I wonder whether his jerk-off timing is the real problem or a symptom of a bigger problem. Are there other signs you’re receiving that he would not notice a sex strike? Are you having sex at all? Does he show you affection in nonsexual contexts?

The bigger question is whether he really is just too horny to refrain from getting off or whether he’s using masturbation as an excuse not to have sex with you. It’s completely natural (and not worth interfering with) when someone in a relationship masturbates separately, but if he’s only masturbating and you want sex with him, it doesn’t bode well for your sexual connection. It’s probably time for a conversation about your sex life, how satisfied/dissatisfied you both are with it, and whether anyone has ideas about what can be done. If you don’t get anywhere with that, you may want to consider joint counseling.

—Rich

More Advice From Slate

This weird phenomenon happens on and off after orgasms and I’d like to understand what it is. Sometimes after an orgasm, usually if it is during the day, I have what I can only call a fugue state. I’m conscious but have what seems like a very long, sometimes hours, déjà vu.