Good Job is Slate’s advice column on work. Have a workplace problem big or small? Send it to Laura Helmuth and Doree Shafrir here. (It’s anonymous!)

Dear Good Job,

I’ve been at my company for about three months. When I first started, I was in a meeting on Zoom with a larger team and it was kind of boring, so I decided to Google everyone in the meeting. During my search, I found out something about awful about one of my co-workers, “Sandy.”

She suffered a horrible tragedy a few years ago when her husband died in a very violent and public way; it was covered by the local news extensively. I really wish I’d never found this out, because it’s all I can think of when I see Sandy in meetings now. We don’t work together directly, but our teams overlap so I’m often in meetings with her. I spend those meetings obsessed with her basically, distracted by trying to understand how she has survived. Well, my boss just told me that Sandy is going to be joining our team, so I’m going to be working with her directly now. I’m so nervous that once we speak one-on-one that she’s going to know that I know about her husband because I’m going to treat her strangely. I don’t want to, obviously, but it’s like I have this bad film on loop in my head whenever I see her. Do you have any advice for me?

—Distracted Co-Worker

Dear Distracted Co-Worker,

What a horrible situation. I feel awful for Sandy and can’t even begin to imagine what she went through. And as a fellow obsessive Googler-of-people-I-just-met, I know that sometimes you can uncover things you maybe wish you didn’t know. I was casually Googling a woman I had met at a party and found out her husband had died of an overdose while they seemed to be in the midst of a divorce, and the next time I saw her I felt incredibly awkward. I shouldn’t know this! We have too much information at our fingertips! Fortunately, I don’t have to see her that often, but you are in a different boat—especially now that you’ll be working directly with Sandy.

It seems like you have one of two options. One is to just stay quiet, and maybe look up some advice for dealing with intrusive or obsessive thoughts (outside my area of expertise, alas!) so that you can interact with Sandy without having these thoughts dominate your interactions. The second is to bring it up with Sandy by saying something like, “Sandy, I just wanted to say that I heard about what happened with your husband, and I know we didn’t know each other then, but I’m so sorry about it.” That just acknowledges that you know without making it totally awkward.

It’s also possible that once you start working together, she will bring it up organically because she wants to get it out into the open. I think however you decide to navigate it, let her take the lead about how much she shares, and offer sympathy but then move on. I’m sure she’s rehashed it enough, and acting normal around her is the best way to navigate your working relationship.

—Doree

Classic Prudie

One of my best friends was getting married; the wedding was pushed back once, and then canceled. She kicked him out and took off her ring, and we were all very supportive. He suffers from alcohol abuse, and lately, Bride Friend confessed to me, she has become afraid of him when he drinks. There is a lot more at play here, but we were breathing a sigh of relief. However, Bride Friend has informed me that she and the ex-fiancé are now “dating,” and he’s still on the lease of her place!