Good Job is Slate’s advice column on work. Have a workplace problem big or small? Send it to Laura Helmuth and Doree Shafrir here. (It’s anonymous!)

Dear Good Job,

I have spent my entire 10-year career with the same organization, a mid-size non-profit. I started as an intern and moved up. For the past four years, I have been in senior leadership, managing a team of 50 employees and overseeing operations for the entire organization. It’s a big job. But my wife and I had a baby a year ago, and I have started to resent how much my job takes me away from my daughter and my wife, both because I’m “on call” all the time, and also because the commute is very far from our home. So a few months ago, I began searching for a different job. I’ve found what I think will be the perfect role for me at a smaller organization very nearby. I was able to negotiate a start day two months out because I told them I was very committed to the transition process at my current role.

Well, yesterday I asked to meet with my boss to give my resignation and talk through a transition plan. Instead, as soon as I told him I had accepted a new job, he said that today would be my last day! I was completely taken aback. I said that wasn’t necessary, that I’d arranged it so I could stay on for another two months, and he insisted that since I was no longer committed to the organization, I needed to leave. I think I was in shock. I left the meeting, grabbed my workbag, and left. I don’t really understand what to do next. I guess I’d assumed that he would contact me by now to say that he cooled off, but that hasn’t happened. I just don’t understand why he wouldn’t want me to help with the transition. I have not contacted any members of my team to let them know what is going on yet, but now I wonder if I should just do the transition with them on my own, informally. They will really be in a bad spot if I’m truly meant to just disappear on them. I just can’t believe that after 10 years it’s ending like this.

—Notice Not Needed

Dear Notice Not Needed,

First, I’m very sorry to hear that this is how your resignation went down, especially after being at this organization for 10 years—your entire working life! But I think your (former!) boss just showed you why you made the right choice in leaving this job. You handled your resignation with what sounds like maturity and grace, and he took your leaving personally and acted like a petulant child.

There’s going to be talk about this in the office if there hasn’t been already, and who knows what narrative your boss has spun for your former colleagues. My advice would be to check in with a trusted deputy and ask for a phone call with them. I would briefly explain that you didn’t mean to leave them in the lurch; you offered two months notice and your boss told you to leave that day, and that you are unfortunately not in a position to help with the transition. (I imagine that even if you wanted to, it brings up a whole host of liability and confidentiality issues to have an ex-employee helping with this transition, even in an informal way.) It speaks very highly of you that you’re concerned about the transition period and worried about your colleagues, but unfortunately, your boss has created a problem of his own making. I would reach out to your new job and tell them that the circumstances have changed and you can actually start in one month. Then take the next few weeks off, relax, and spend time with your wife and kid. This job, and this boss, are in the rearview mirror now.

Dear Good Job,

My direct report and I are similar ages, and we often talk about our kids. In our last one-to-one, we were chatting, and I shared with her that we are having my son evaluated for possible ADHD. After I said that, she told me that she pursued an evaluation herself a few years ago and that it was very relieving for her to get an ADHD diagnosis, and that it explained a lot, for her. I said, “Oh that’s great,” and then changed the subject. I mentioned this to a friend (not a work friend), and she said that my direct report has disclosed a disability to me and that I need to share that with HR. My friend works for a larger company than I do, and things are much more formalized for her. But I do wonder now if I need to tell HR? I would feel strange doing this, because I don’t think my direct report told me as her manager, she told me as a friend. I’m a newer manager and haven’t encountered this before.

—Unsure

Dear Unsure,

While I am sure that your friend’s intentions were in the right place, she is incorrect about this—you do not need to report this to HR. You’re right, your direct report was sharing this with you as a friend; she was not asking for accommodations (which would require you to bring this to HR) or formally disclosing a disability. In fact, telling HR about this could be seen as a violation of her privacy and have some potentially pretty bad unintended consequences, like her losing trust in you and also flagging her for something she never intended to be shared. So trust your gut on this one and keep it to yourself. The only thing I might gently encourage is to be perhaps a tad more mindful about what you share with her—she is your direct report, after all, not just a work friend, and it could get tricky if those personal and professional lines get too blurry.

—Doree

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