Care and Feeding is Slate’s parenting advice column. Have a question for Care and Feeding? Submit it here.

Dear Care and Feeding,

My mom had me when she was 18. After a brief, ill-advised marriage to my father, she ended up as a single parent after he skipped out on us. He paid nothing in child support. My mom made many sacrifices so that I could grow up with opportunities I wouldn’t have had otherwise.

I’m 25 now, and my mom is 43. A year and a half ago, my mom met a seemingly wonderful man who we both assumed she would happily grow old with. One surprise pregnancy later, he decided he didn’t want to be a parent and vanished. She is now extremely resentful to find herself raising a child on her own again. The trouble is that she expects me to watch my baby brother for extended periods of time (think days!). I work from home three days a week, but caring for a 5-month-old baby is not conducive to doing my job. When I try to explain that to her, she gets angry and says I “owe her” for everything she gave up so that I could have the life I do now. I appreciate everything she did for me, more than she’ll ever know, but I can’t sacrifice my job to provide her with free childcare. How can I make her understand this?

—History Repeats Itself

Dear History Repeats,

First, you do not “owe” your parent for parenting you. You are not responsible for your mother being a single parent, and family relationships shouldn’t be transactional.

You’ve already told your mother why you can’t provide free childcare to your brother at times when you’re supposed to be working. She has chosen not to listen to you or acknowledge this reality, and she’s taking some of her stress and frustration out on you. Unfortunately, I don’t think there is much more you can say to “make her understand” or convince her of the obvious if she is determined to ignore it.

You could still offer to help in other ways, if and only if you’re actually open to that (again, you are not obligated to do so). You could let your mother know that you’re willing to discuss ways you might be able to help or support her, short of babysitting for free three days a week. If she, in turn, wants to have a realistic and respectful conversation with you, she has to accept that there are things you might be able to do and things you cannot.

If you do feel you want to be of some help to her, it’s in her interest to stop taking her frustration and her feelings out on you, have an actual discussion, and try to reach whatever compromise or better situation is possible. You can give her that opportunity if you want to, but it’s up to her to take it.

Dear Care and Feeding,

My wife’s parents stayed with us last weekend, and somehow our 6-year-old son, “Liam,” got his hands on her dad’s dentures and broke them. Now my in-laws are insisting we pay for a replacement. I don’t think we should have to. My father-in-law knew he was staying in a home with a young kid, and it should have been up to him to keep them out of reach. This is causing a great deal of tension between me and my wife, who says we need to pay for them. It’s his problem, not ours, right?

—Tooth Tantrum

Dear Tooth Tantrum,

I mean, I’ve lived in a house with young kids for years on end, and it never would have occurred to me that they would get ahold of someone’s dentures and break them? Assuming this was just an unfortunate accident, I would really hope that the grandparents could find it in their hearts to be understanding and not super angry at you or their grandchild. As a parent, though, I would still be like “sorry that happened!”, talk to my kid about respecting other people’s things, and at least ask about the cost of repairing or replacing the dentures.

Dentures can range from hundreds to thousands of dollars, depending on insurance and other factors. If you just don’t have that kind of money to spare, that’s understandable. But even in that case, I would probably offer to contribute whatever I could to help out. You should also look into your homeowners or renters insurance policy to see if you have coverage to damage to another person’s property in your home.

—Nicole

More Parenting Advice From Slate

I cannot stand to be around my sister-in-law’s dog. I love dogs, and I even love this dog. I was her frequent caregiver for the first few years of her life, and she was at that time very well-behaved, if occasionally barking in overexcitement or chewing something she shouldn’t. But lack of discipline over the last few years has taken its toll.

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